Supernatural musing.
Oct. 7th, 2005 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
castalieDude - hey know what? Lost has a lot to answer for because I never ever used to say "dude" all the time. Anyway. Dude! I posted something about Supernatural 1x04 but I have a gap, so now it's time for 1x03.
As it happens? "Dead in the Water" might be my favourite episode so far. Well, it's a close tie between "Dead in the Water" and "Huggable!Dean" - that is, "Phantom Traveler". Why? Thanks for asking. Well because it dealt with some angst on Dean's part - and on a subject I'm pretty interested in. Well, two subjects even: a) his relationship with his mother, more like his souvenirs of his mom and of The Night and b) his relationship with his father, in particular the past two years when Sam was in college while Dean was hunting alone with their dad.
See, I can't help but think of Dean during that period - I would have felt abandoned by my brother if I'd been in his place. Irrational and unfair as it might have been towards Sam who only wanted to have a normal life, I couldn't have helped feeling resentful - which is why I liked the mini argument they had at the diner at the beginning of the episode. And I mean, sure there might be anger regarding the whole "you're a fucking deserter" thing but shouldn't also be some hurt feelings regarding the whole "you deserted me" thing? And I keep wondering, did Dean feel a bit jealous maybe? I mean, obviously he's a great warrior: dedicated and certainly motivated enough, he doesn't seem to really ever doubt his place in the world - that's not even the point. But it's also obvious there's stuff he never told his brother [like we saw in "Dead in the Water"] regarding some of his feelings and if there's no doubt about the fact that Dean is where he needs to be, sometimes I wonder if it's also where he wants to be. Or maybe it's more complicated than that - that is... he wants to be there, sure - he wants to find his dad, obviously, but he also wants to know what happened to his mother, punish WhoeverWhatever did it and destroy as many as those evil sons of a bitch he can find in the meantime. He's also the one pushing Sam all the time. Alright. But even the greatest warriors can get tired sometimes, and they can have doubt now and then. That is, if his dad allowed him to, granted. Still, if you're not allowed to show, you can't help feeling, right?
So yes, he's one hell of a good warrior, was raised to be one but I'm curious as to what choices he ever had - or if he had any. Did he ever want to stop, like Sam did? Maybe not. But did he even think he could, anyway? And let's say he wouldn't have wanted to, couldn't allow himself to - so he's in this Crusade and he might think he can't be anywhere else, shouldn't be anywhere else and this is his destiny... and his brother's too. And okay maybe it's a hard life, but he has a duty towards not only his dad but his mom as well - can't betray either of them, right? - and he's with his family, which is the important thing. And then, Little Bro leaves and seriously? This would have sucked beyond the telling of it, and I wonder what someone like Dean might have thought in this moment - and every other moment afterwards when he's on the road with his dad and fighting evil without Sam by his side - Sam who's now living the normal life Dean won't ever have. And you know, even if Dean never really thought of leaving, once Sam was away, there wasn't even the shadow of a choice left, because how could Dean abandon his father and leave him completely alone, know what I mean?
I guess it comes to this: just because you're doing the right thing doesn't mean you can't get tired of doing it now and then. And if you absolutely can't take a break... what then?
So anyway, I wonder, you know?
Oh and also? Fred! Winifred Burkle was there! Nice guest star *nods*
If there's one episode that inspires me to write my first angsty Sam/Dean fic, it'll be that one, methinks. If I decided to write something for "Phantom Traveler", it would be some tag where Sam would go "I'll fuck you so hard it'll make you fly and believe me... you'll love flying after that" on Dean. But if I could really concentrate on fic writing these days, I think I'd like to try the angsty little piece first. And I also have this little Numb3rs scene from "Judgment Call" and why can't I focus on my writing these days? Rhetorical question, btw, I know why. But it's too bad because now would be the perfect time as I have all kind of baby plot bunnies looking at me with their big and hopefuland incest inducing eyes, I'm just sayin'.
We'll see *shrug* Then again, since I'm seeing![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
moimoietmoi, dont_callmebabe and catiadoodle today after my last class - we organised a little "go to the movies" session - the slash talk we might end up having at one point might push me to the right direction, who knows? :-)
As it happens? "Dead in the Water" might be my favourite episode so far. Well, it's a close tie between "Dead in the Water" and "Huggable!Dean" - that is, "Phantom Traveler". Why? Thanks for asking. Well because it dealt with some angst on Dean's part - and on a subject I'm pretty interested in. Well, two subjects even: a) his relationship with his mother, more like his souvenirs of his mom and of The Night and b) his relationship with his father, in particular the past two years when Sam was in college while Dean was hunting alone with their dad.
See, I can't help but think of Dean during that period - I would have felt abandoned by my brother if I'd been in his place. Irrational and unfair as it might have been towards Sam who only wanted to have a normal life, I couldn't have helped feeling resentful - which is why I liked the mini argument they had at the diner at the beginning of the episode. And I mean, sure there might be anger regarding the whole "you're a fucking deserter" thing but shouldn't also be some hurt feelings regarding the whole "you deserted me" thing? And I keep wondering, did Dean feel a bit jealous maybe? I mean, obviously he's a great warrior: dedicated and certainly motivated enough, he doesn't seem to really ever doubt his place in the world - that's not even the point. But it's also obvious there's stuff he never told his brother [like we saw in "Dead in the Water"] regarding some of his feelings and if there's no doubt about the fact that Dean is where he needs to be, sometimes I wonder if it's also where he wants to be. Or maybe it's more complicated than that - that is... he wants to be there, sure - he wants to find his dad, obviously, but he also wants to know what happened to his mother, punish WhoeverWhatever did it and destroy as many as those evil sons of a bitch he can find in the meantime. He's also the one pushing Sam all the time. Alright. But even the greatest warriors can get tired sometimes, and they can have doubt now and then. That is, if his dad allowed him to, granted. Still, if you're not allowed to show, you can't help feeling, right?
So yes, he's one hell of a good warrior, was raised to be one but I'm curious as to what choices he ever had - or if he had any. Did he ever want to stop, like Sam did? Maybe not. But did he even think he could, anyway? And let's say he wouldn't have wanted to, couldn't allow himself to - so he's in this Crusade and he might think he can't be anywhere else, shouldn't be anywhere else and this is his destiny... and his brother's too. And okay maybe it's a hard life, but he has a duty towards not only his dad but his mom as well - can't betray either of them, right? - and he's with his family, which is the important thing. And then, Little Bro leaves and seriously? This would have sucked beyond the telling of it, and I wonder what someone like Dean might have thought in this moment - and every other moment afterwards when he's on the road with his dad and fighting evil without Sam by his side - Sam who's now living the normal life Dean won't ever have. And you know, even if Dean never really thought of leaving, once Sam was away, there wasn't even the shadow of a choice left, because how could Dean abandon his father and leave him completely alone, know what I mean?
I guess it comes to this: just because you're doing the right thing doesn't mean you can't get tired of doing it now and then. And if you absolutely can't take a break... what then?
So anyway, I wonder, you know?
Oh and also? Fred! Winifred Burkle was there! Nice guest star *nods*
If there's one episode that inspires me to write my first angsty Sam/Dean fic, it'll be that one, methinks. If I decided to write something for "Phantom Traveler", it would be some tag where Sam would go "I'll fuck you so hard it'll make you fly and believe me... you'll love flying after that" on Dean. But if I could really concentrate on fic writing these days, I think I'd like to try the angsty little piece first. And I also have this little Numb3rs scene from "Judgment Call" and why can't I focus on my writing these days? Rhetorical question, btw, I know why. But it's too bad because now would be the perfect time as I have all kind of baby plot bunnies looking at me with their big and hopeful
We'll see *shrug* Then again, since I'm seeing
moimoietmoi, dont_callmebabe and catiadoodle today after my last class - we organised a little "go to the movies" session - the slash talk we might end up having at one point might push me to the right direction, who knows? :-)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-10-07 08:36 am (UTC)Now about this whole thing which you wrote about Dean not having a choice, I sort of had the same feelings after last week's episode, but now you put it into words so nicely and my fingers are itching to write something about Dean in those two years without Sam but I can't because I already have so much stuff to finish and... someone help meeeee!
*stares frantically at download* Couldn't start the thing until this morning and it's currently at 9.2% and I won't be able to watch it until tomorrow if it doesn't finish by three, which it so won't, I just know it! *snif*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:42 am (UTC)now you put it into words so nicely and my fingers are itching to write something about Dean in those two years without Sam but I can't because I already have so much stuff to finish and... someone help meeeee!
Thanks ;-) And I would love if you wrote that fic! But I know the feeling of being way too busy elsewhere to do so. Maybe one day? *fingers crossed*
Hope your download hurried a bit since you posted that comment!
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Date: 2005-10-07 09:08 am (UTC)'nuff said! *g*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 09:50 am (UTC)Welcome to the club :( *pets*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 11:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 10:07 am (UTC)Oh, god, that's perfect! *huge grin*
*pets your brotherslash bunnies*
And what you said about Dean not having a choice and liking what he does anyway, but still sometimes he might need a break... That's exactly how I see Dean.
The last 2 ep made me think about all the things his brother doesn't know about him because he left. There must be a gap between them, even if they seem really close. There can't not be a gap left by those years when Sam abandonned Dean.
I am waiting for some kind of fight between them, as a way for Dean to let out his resentment, fear, jealousy maybe etc. Because he can't not have that kind of feelings after evrything that's happened in their lives and he's not the kind of man who talks about his feelings.
Fighting and sex work well in lieu of talking. *g*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:47 am (UTC)I kinda like it too *snicker*
I second that, those two last episodes gave us more info on Dean, I think - which was so very awesome.
There must be a gap between them, even if they seem really close. There can't not be a gap left by those years when Sam abandonned Dean.
And there has to be a gap, definitely. One more point in common with Numb3rs, if you ask me :-)
I am waiting for some kind of fight between them, as a way for Dean to let out his resentment, fear, jealousy maybe etc
Oh yeah! I would love that.
Fighting and sex work well in lieu of talking.
When you're right, you're right!
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Date: 2005-10-07 11:21 am (UTC)And I am always right!
*stomps foot*
:P
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:28 am (UTC)Who said we were going to talk about slash anyway, heh ???
SLASH will be a forbidden subject, I'm telling you !D
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:48 am (UTC)Et la marmotte, elle met le chocolat dans le papier alu!
*is kinda skeptical*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:53 am (UTC)A propos de slash, les Américainnes de LJ ont aussi leur slash pride locale ! (http://www.livejournal.com/community/pornish_pixies/354925.html?style=mine#cutid1)
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Date: 2005-10-07 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 08:44 pm (UTC)I'm already feeling the urge to make icons
That's great news, yay!
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Date: 2005-10-07 05:36 pm (UTC)And even though Dean might still harber some resentment for Sam leaving him, he still cares about him in that 'macho' way his dad taught him about. I see great potential in Sam softening him up and Dean teaching him to be more tough.
^^; Sorry for rambling, I don't mean to. I just love the show (totally need some Dean/Sam icons), and would love to read any fanfiction you might come up with!
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Date: 2005-10-07 08:47 pm (UTC)I'd like to see more of a struggle in the show about that.
You and me both.
And yeah, Dean does care for his brother. No matter what might have occured in the last two years - or before that - it's obvious the brothers care a lot for each other *nods*
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Date: 2005-10-07 10:49 pm (UTC)An off topic question...sorry!
Have you been getting any e-mail from me? I'm sorry to ask this here but my computer's been acting weird and yahoo is as slow as heck. Both combined have me wondering and worrying if my messages are getting through. I think it may soon be time to replace my desktop : (
Anyway that slash talk sounds very interesting. You'll have to tell me if anything intriguing comes up : D
Now I'm off to watch more of "The Sentinel". Thanks so much for taping it for me!! And hey by the way you never told me how pretty Blair's eyes are. I think I'm in love with them! : D
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Date: 2005-10-07 11:45 pm (UTC)I sure did. I haven't replied to the one you sent yesterday - that is, the TS one - cause I didn't have time yet but I'm going to this weekend. I did reply to the one that came before that though. Didn't you get it?
Also, I was definitely glad to hear that you a) received the DVD and b) were enjoying TS so much! *bounces*
And I guess I tend to forget to mention Blair's oh so pretty eyes because it's Something I Totally Assimilated, know what I mean? lol It's like, when I talk about Blair? His pretty blue eyes are always implied ;-)
As soon as I buy new blank DVDs, I'll burn the second season for you. It just might take a while though... or maybe not. Well, I'll let you know, anyway *g*
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Date: 2005-10-08 12:36 am (UTC)Okay now that I've gotten that out onto replying...
All through high school Becky and I used "dude" in EVERY conversation we had. It was so easy to let it slip. After we both graduated it kind of disappeared again until Becky gave birth to her little girl and started using it again. : D
Yes I did get that e-mail now that you mention it. I just get so worried with this computer, especially lately because it's been acting so strange. I was told about two years ago that things would slowly start going out on this computer because it's in need of a new mother board. I was offered one to buy but said I'd deal with the problems if they arose. Well in the last week or so I've had slow (and I do mean SLOW) connection speeds, slow everything and my computer gets into these moods. I'm thinking it may soon be time to either replace the mother board or buy a new desktop. I've been tolerating the problems because they're minor and I'm positive it's the mother board thingy but now? Now it's getting worse and I'm getting more frustrated. I was hoping it was my computer and not Yahoo that was being slow and causing problems. I'm glad you got those messages. It makes me feel a whole heck of a lot better (except that it's been confirmed the computer is the problem and not Yahoo).
Oh my gosh The Sentinel is becoming so much a new love for me! I never knew what to expect with the show and during the first episode kept wondering where Blair was and when they were going to meet. Then he appears in the hospital, hands him a card and disappears. I recognized Blair immediately and wondered what was going on. Then when they meet face to face...INSTANT SPARKAGE!! Oy I can see why you so love to slash those two! : D
My favorite so far has been "Siege" and that's the one that got me majorly HOOKED! I so enjoyed that and Blair is hilerious! Now granted I've only seen four episodes so far and after I finish this reply will be watching more but that one was the clincher for me, the one that drew me like a magnet and made me fall in love with it now I imagine the episodes only get better from here. Either way I'm LOVING it so much! And Blair's eyes. Oh be still my beating heart! I could stare into them for hours. Boy is that man...dare I say HOT? Yes I do! *melts*
Second season? YEAH! Can't wait! Can't wait!
*jumps up and down ecstastically*
Let me know if you'd like any money in return for the discs. : )
By the way I have a package that I'm getting ready to mail your way when I get paid this week. Right now money's a bit short but I get paid Wednesday so hopefully I can get it in the mail for you on Thursday. Any how I'm hoping it will make it safely to you. I only worry that the keychain may cause a few problems at customs. Hopefully it will be fine. I just wanted to let you know it should be en route to you shortly and I hope you enjoy the little extras I added.
: D
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Date: 2005-10-09 11:07 am (UTC)hope you enjoy the little extras I added.
Somehow I have no doubt that I will lol You rock, thank you so much again *hugs*
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Date: 2005-10-11 03:22 pm (UTC)Gah and guh and *flails* and just, yes.
You'd write that so well!
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Date: 2005-10-12 04:07 pm (UTC)