Response to Challenge #1 for sentinel_thurs

[castalie]

I wanted to keep that entry to my 'memories', so I'm going to post it here as well. For those who're going to see it twice, don't mind me *g*

It's a year after Incacha died, how has Blair changed since he received the 'way of the Shaman'

Title: Too Much to Lose
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not making any money. No copyright infringement intended.
Warning: none

---

Kneeling on the bed, his legs tucked under him, Blair sitting on his lap, arms and legs wrapped tightly around him, Jim was slowly making to love to his guide.

Tonight, Jim had needed to be connected with Blair, deep inside him - nagging at his mind, tugging at his heart, vibrating in his soul, and yes, in his cock too. On the anniversary of Incacha's death, Jim, more than ever, had to face the truth about the past year.

Blair had changed.

He wasn't the only one who felt it; strangers did as well. Victims were drawn to Blair, people in need turned to him more and more, criminals calmed down in his presence - or got even more agitated. Even animals seemed to be pulled toward him. Jim saw all those changes in his lover, in his eyes, and never said anything.

He just couldn't.

He was scared. Scared of losing a precious part of the man he loved, of seeing Blair distance himself from him. It happened whenever the younger man felt pulled toward people who needed him, even when they didn't know why. Jim couldn't stand the thought of sharing his guide with everyone else, of not being Blair's priority. It was selfish and shameful, but he couldn't help it.

Jim gasped as Blair unexpectedly clenched around him. He was looking at Jim with burning intensity, as if he knew all of Jim's doubts and fears.

Jim kissed him and thrust almost roughly into him. Suddenly he felt himself fall, losing himself in his lover, in a warmth he'd never known before. He shuddered as it felt as if he was looking right through Blair to something ancient, powerful - and so loving it hurt.

He thrust deeper still, and let his orgasm crash through him violently. Only in those moments did he feel like Blair was solely focusing on him, like Blair was once more his alone.

He could also feel Blair's love for him: pure, raw, unaltered.

Jim kissed Blair almost reverently. He would overcome his fears, for both their sakes. He had too much to lose.

Fin

Comments

[dolimir-k.livejournal.com]

Jim kissed Blair almost reverently. He would overcome his fears, for both their sakes. He had too much to lose.

Very nicely done. I like the realization if he doesn't get it together he could lose Blair, while at the same time feeling Blair's love and knowing that his guide really isn't going anywhere. Does that make sense?

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Dolimir!

And what you said definitely made sense! It's what I was trying to convey, so believe me, it made sense! lol

Jim is just pulled toward two directions, he's scared, but knows he could lose everything for what he knows is, in fact, a false assumption. He knows about Blair's love for him, and knows his doubts and fears are wrong. He'll get it together, I just know it, he can't stand to lose Blair *g*

[sockich.livejournal.com]

Heh, first Nub3rs, then TS, if you're not careful, you're gonna spoil us and we'll start expecting at least one fic per week. ;)

Anyways, I really really like this. I love how it's so short and yet manages to convey Jim's feelings so perfectly. His doubts and fears and the fact that he's being pulled on two sides, fearing losing Blair and knowing that, if he doesn't pull it together, he will lose him and yeah. Very nicely done. *g*

[castalie.livejournal.com]

we'll start expecting at least one fic per week.

Hee scary! lol

Thanks for the great feedback, again *g* You're good for the ego, you know that?

[cindershadow.livejournal.com]

Thanks for providing the link back to this from the piece you posted today--it really resonates after that one!

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being interested enough to read that part, and thanks for commenting again *g*

[kungfunurse.livejournal.com]

Awwww. This is so sad/sweet/hopeful it hurts. But in the good way, you know? Folks have said it above, but thanks for posting the link to this story. And please, don't stop now that you've grabbed my attention! I'm so hopeful/anxious for Jim and Blair to see how they work this new kink out of their relationship. Plus this is a fascinating take on Incacha's gift, and I'm dying to know where it will take you.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Me again *waves*

Plus this is a fascinating take on Incacha's gift, and I'm dying to know where it will take you.

Thanks for the compliment and, again, I'm delighted you enjoyed the fic. This is a storyline I'm finding so interesting; Blair as Shaman... thinking of the implications, of the changes it might cause, not only for himself but for him and Jim as a couple, and let's not forget the whole Sentinel thing, of course.

I don't know if it'll take me anywhere, but I didn't think I'd write another story and create a series of this ficlet, so who knows? I'd love to write more in the new verse, that's a given, though.

[lit-gal.livejournal.com]

Oh god... this makes me ache for Jim's fears and for the responsiblities Blair must be carrying. I adore how you made the sex both sexy and a huge part of the plot. Wow.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Hi there mate,

Thank you for the lovely feedback! I'm thrilled you saw everything I wanted packed in that little ficlet, it fills me with glee *g*