(no subject)
Oct. 18th, 2003 12:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
castalieYesterday was the first anniversary of my grand-father's death (on my father's side) and I felt better than what I thought, ie feared. I made myself busy actually. I went to Paris with Rissy, and we left early in the afternoon and came home early in the evening. Then, I was with the family, then I stayed on-line and played with LJ, and finally at night, I spent a couple of hours - or was it more? - chatting on YahooMessenger with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
babycakesin.
I think the morning was a little more difficult, because I couldn't help looking at the clock every now and then. I woke up quite late, around 11.00, and my mind immediately went back to last year. At this time, I was in the hospital with my father, and we were waiting for a nurse to come and talk to us, and I just knew it was bad news, I knew it. And yeah, you can say it was, since when she came, it was to announce my grand-father's death. He'd just died 30 minutes earlier... thirty minutes only... we could have seen him alive a last time.
You know, I wasn't supposed to go with my dad, actually. I was still sure that nonno would get better. So, dad was getting ready, I was surfing, and then, I just had this feeling... and I knew I had to go, I took one hell of a quick shower, got dressed in record time, and when my dad was about to leave, I jumped on him, and we left together. It's just odd, but it's how it happened, and boy am I happy I did! Or else, my dad would have been alone, and I think I would have hated myself for a bit.
Anyway, don't want to be too morbid, and some details are just too personal to go on LJ anyway, and I don't feel like writing a private entry about those, but all I'm saying is that it's just strange because I can't help comparing. This year and the last. I remember what I was doing last year on the 18th, and I remember what I was going to do the next day, and the next - well, until the day of the funeral. Each little detail, of each day.
I also remember that at the time none of my closest friends were near me! Sandrine was in Mexico, Babycakes was in Vienna, and Rissy was in Dunkerque. Babycakes still found a way to send me mails, though. I also remember howturps33 and katikat were there too, distracting me when I needed to, or with Terri telling me that I should eat and everything. Love you, girls ♥
Anyway... I don't feel too sad today. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit of melancholy. And after all, I'm thinking of my grand-father a lot all year (him or my grand-mothers) - so October, 17th is just a little more important date, but it's not as if I never thought of my him, and suddenly just on this day I was remembering him, know what I mean?
Also, intellectually, I know our grand-parents' death is to be expected, and even more when they're as ill as my grand-father was - and thank God, I never went through the loss of one of my parents or my sister, so I'm grateful. But my grand-parents always had a big role in our life. They were never just the old persons you're forced to visit, you know? They were part of our life, it was as simple as that.
babycakesin. I think the morning was a little more difficult, because I couldn't help looking at the clock every now and then. I woke up quite late, around 11.00, and my mind immediately went back to last year. At this time, I was in the hospital with my father, and we were waiting for a nurse to come and talk to us, and I just knew it was bad news, I knew it. And yeah, you can say it was, since when she came, it was to announce my grand-father's death. He'd just died 30 minutes earlier... thirty minutes only... we could have seen him alive a last time.
You know, I wasn't supposed to go with my dad, actually. I was still sure that nonno would get better. So, dad was getting ready, I was surfing, and then, I just had this feeling... and I knew I had to go, I took one hell of a quick shower, got dressed in record time, and when my dad was about to leave, I jumped on him, and we left together. It's just odd, but it's how it happened, and boy am I happy I did! Or else, my dad would have been alone, and I think I would have hated myself for a bit.
Anyway, don't want to be too morbid, and some details are just too personal to go on LJ anyway, and I don't feel like writing a private entry about those, but all I'm saying is that it's just strange because I can't help comparing. This year and the last. I remember what I was doing last year on the 18th, and I remember what I was going to do the next day, and the next - well, until the day of the funeral. Each little detail, of each day.
I also remember that at the time none of my closest friends were near me! Sandrine was in Mexico, Babycakes was in Vienna, and Rissy was in Dunkerque. Babycakes still found a way to send me mails, though. I also remember how
turps33 and katikat were there too, distracting me when I needed to, or with Terri telling me that I should eat and everything. Love you, girls ♥Anyway... I don't feel too sad today. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit of melancholy. And after all, I'm thinking of my grand-father a lot all year (him or my grand-mothers) - so October, 17th is just a little more important date, but it's not as if I never thought of my him, and suddenly just on this day I was remembering him, know what I mean?
Also, intellectually, I know our grand-parents' death is to be expected, and even more when they're as ill as my grand-father was - and thank God, I never went through the loss of one of my parents or my sister, so I'm grateful. But my grand-parents always had a big role in our life. They were never just the old persons you're forced to visit, you know? They were part of our life, it was as simple as that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 05:06 am (UTC)aline
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 09:45 am (UTC)I've been watching all season 5 of SG. There's a nice tribute to DJ at the end of the DVD. Michael Shank's really cute.
And I watched the 2 last ep... *sob* Jack looked so sad. Bwhahahahah!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-19 01:28 am (UTC)I wanna see MS talking about his character, and I wanna have more of Daniel!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-19 01:37 am (UTC)Dans le bonus, RDA ne parle jamais de lui, il dit juste "qui? Quelqu'un connaît ce mec?" Mais il y a une ou deux scènes au ralenti... Oh man! You can feel it!
BTW, je monte à Paris la semaine prochaine (vendredi, samedi, dimanche) tu veux que je t'apporte "Fallen" et "Homecoming"? Season 7? Rings a bell?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-19 01:06 pm (UTC)And yeah, it sure did ring a bell! lol
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 09:42 am (UTC)*hugs back*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 09:02 am (UTC)gah.
...not that i wanna sound inconsiderate.
when my grandma died, i only learned by being woken up by the phone. my relatives from another country were phoning to ask me when the FUNERAL will be held. and i blanked on them and did not even know what the hell they were talking about. i looked for my parents but they were gone. since i knew my grandma was on her deathbed anyway, i put two and two together. but still, dude, i wake up to someone asking me when's the funeral! haha.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 09:43 am (UTC)And damn, what an awful way to learn about the death of someone! My God! *hug* Even if it happened maybe ages ago.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 11:22 am (UTC)...but that was nothing compared to my uncle's death. his daughter found him dead and was so shocked she couldn't sleep. she ran to another aunt's house at 3 a.m. [they're almost neighbours] and WROTE it down!
and then they phoned us and we had to phone everyone in mauritius and abroad to tell them. my aunt in australia nearly had a heart attack on the phone and wept and wept for AGES [and we were paying an international call].
...err right. i'm shutting up now. won't tell you about my aunt's suicide.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 03:28 pm (UTC)So {{Hugs}}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-20 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 12:35 pm (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-18 03:26 pm (UTC)Thanks {{hugs}}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-19 11:09 am (UTC)I'm glad that you didn't feel that bad on the day, and a little melancholy's to be expected I think.
Anyway, plan is to mail you later so more then.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-19 01:08 pm (UTC)Nice *g*