Sex Scenes and Coming Out - don't look for any logical link.

[castalie]

As I thought, I didn't have time to read more sentinelsecrets stories yesterday - the Gang stayed until late and when they were gone, I went to bed to watch some more TV before finally going to sleep around 1.30 am - since you know, I'm back to being a student and all that, I try to at least be a bit reasonable with my sleep pattern. As long as I have more than five hours of sleep, I'm all right and functional. I actually was a bit afraid to go to sleep because having watched Secrets d'Actualités on the little Gregory's case, I had the feeling I would have some nightmares, which didn't happen, so that was nice.

Anyway, woke up, went to the uni and am back home - yay! My program this afternoon? Stay home and surf! I don't want to do anything else, so there *stamps foot*

Speaking of the uni. I was re-reading A Dangerous Thing on the bus and I was at Adrien's awaited sex scene with Jake - which incidentally I was rather impatient to see as well, let's be honest here - and it made me think of the sex scenes we write in our own fanfics. Don't know about you - though I know about some of you - but writing sex scenes is a chore for me. I don't like writing them. I don't always do it mind, sometimes the story just doesn't demand any, but when I write a little PWP or when a longer/longish story suddenly 'requires' one for whatever reason, the writing suddenly becomes 'work' as opposed to purely 'fun'. And yes, writing dark stories is fun too - I'm not talking about the content of the story but how we write them *g* So to me, dark and intense situation writing is pure fun whereas sex scene writing is... yes, a chore. I usually like the result and I'm even more thrilled when some of my readers agree, but it doesn't change a thing.

Anyway, I always think that there's one way to write sex scenes that would be just perfect for me but somehow, I always end up writing something longer and with more details than I previously wanted. One could say it's my damn fault since, hey I'm the writer, but I'll argue that stories have a life of their own, and I'm just their slave - I don't always have a say in it. But Josh Lanyon knows how to write the kind of scenes I'd like to write myself when I'm working on a longer/longish story where the focus isn't on the sex anyway - I just need to learn how to be concise and short and believe me when I say it's not an easy concept for me!

"I kissed Jake back, tasting the licorice-bite of the whisky on his tongue. He licked my mouth, which was different, sort of playful. My lips parted, anticipating, but he softly bit the side of my neck - and then a little harder. There was a lot of strength and heat in the body poised over mine. He smelled good, like my almond soap, and he tasted good, and he felt very good, his hand between my thighs doing things other man had done, but in his own way.
We realigned ourselves, the mattress squeaking noisily, and I raised my legs over Jake's shoulders. I wasn't expecting much in the way of foreplay, and I didn't get it. Jack pressed into me and I gritted my jaw as my muscles submitted.
"You with me?"
I grunted acknowledgment. Oh yeah, I was with him.
He began to rock against me, and I hung on for the ride of my life : a day at the rodeo and the Fourth of July all rolled into one. Yeeha!"

This scene? Is just great! You know what is happening and how - and the mood has been set perfectly, though since it's taken out of context you can't really appreciate it here, and it's just nicely hot to me because... well because it just is - Adrien and I were both looking forward to when Jake would decide to do his lovely companion and granted, considering the story, it wouldn't have been interesting nor exactly IC for Jake if it'd happened before but it was finally the right time and it was perfect this way. So yeah.

[ETA: I'm afraid I wasn't clear enough, so in case you're curious, the book I'm referring to here is A Dangerous Thing by Josh Lanyon. It also happens to be a sequel to Fatal Shadows.]

Anyway...

Oh hey, I read somewhere it was Coming Out Day today? I won't really be able to appreciate it because I hate coming out with a passion, but just because I don't like it doesn't mean I can't pass the news, right? *g* It always amuses me how it seems there's a Day for just about everything. Though hey, technically I recognise how important Coming Out Day can be - like among other things, the affirmation of what you are without being ashamed and whatnot, and considering how society still stigmatises homosexualiy that's indeed a serious issue, I get that. But I just hate coming out - the way it usually feels like you're admitting some crime or something, how you're more or less telling the world that the perception they had of you isn't true and you're not what everyone thought, except in your head you're still the same you. You didn't change, it's only - eventually - the way the others will now see you that may be put in jeopardy. I hate how you're full of hope that everything will work out just fine and nothing won't change with the person you're coming out to mixed with that sense of dread that maybe you're going to lose someone, because in the end, there's always this slight probability that your homosexuality will make them see you differently - and for the worst. And sometimes it's not a 'slight probability' but a 100% one.

Me? It happened like in a dream. Well practically, I mean. I did trust my family not to react badly and I was right to do so but the feeling you may be disappointing your parents, your aunts, your uncles etc isn't a nice feeling - definitely a feeling I could have done without, seriously. So in the end, I was so lucky, and I'm aware and grateful - but I still hate the whole process.

Coming out to people who are new to your friends circle isn't a problem, because it's not 'coming out' as such to me. Since they never knew me before, they don't have any real expectation. They assume I'm straight because people always assume you're part of the Straight Club, but it's not the same because from the word go I sorta mention my being gay and if they listen, they'll realise soon enough that they're wrong in their assumption - I don't flaunt it but I don't hide it. I talk about girls and I talk about homosexuality and it's usually subtle and just... in passing, as something normal, which for me, it is anyway. So that's not coming out to me and I don't mind it. But when it's with people who always knew you, well damn, that's a different story altogether.

Oops, okay so I rambled again, didn't I? lol Well, that'll show you that coming out isn't a simple concept to me *g*

Comments

OT

[babycakesin.livejournal.com]

Sweetiiiiiiie! *schnuggles*

yeah, that's all I had to say - but hey, being on line when you post an entry is rare enough for me to comment upon it :D

Funny, I watched the show with le petit gregory, but honestly it didn't do much to me - maybe I'm dead inside and should watch more Lost episodes to get in touch with my human side. Yep, must be it.

Re: OT

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Honeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy *schnuzzles*

Your timing was pretty good, true enough - it deserved some comment celebration lol

Yeah but like I said, I remember this story from when I was a kid --though in 1984 I was 4 years old so I don't think I heard about it then exactly-- so I think it spoke to me more. It just freaked out, no matter what. To think that the murderer was certainly in the middle of the family and relatives gathered for the funeral, to imagine them sending the letter 'revendiquant' the murder before it was done - the picture of the dead little boy right after he was discovered - then imagine the little Sebastien witnessing his father's murder at the hands of his uncle - all those things moved me a lot. It was so... so cold, so demented, so disgusting, so sad, so fuckign tragic! It just makes me feel things on a very deep level and it really chilled and saddened me *shrug*

Re: OT

[babycakesin.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, it's definitely tragic...

guess what? That answer wasn't really worth a comment back, but hey, we're both on line, woohoo! (I'm very silly sometimes, I agree lol)

Re: OT

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Eeek another comment so soon? Did you hide your bro in the closet or something? Or is still the wonder of being in réseau? In any case, I'm bowing to us both being on-line at the same time.

More or less, that is *g*

Re: OT

[babycakesin.livejournal.com]

le reseau, love, le reseau! le reseau is your friend, you gotta love le reseau... :D

[ginalin.livejournal.com]

You made me think, as usual.

I was thinking the same thing, that the whole "coming out" idea is based on other people's misconception/preconception that everyone is straight.

Why do we(I mean our society do that? I mean, I don't anymore, but when I was much younger I probably never thought about it enough.

And the consciousness raising goes on...

I know my kids will never make those sorts of assumptions about people. Yay for that, at least.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

I don't know why people do that either - maybe because society doesn't like differences and if people stopped assuming everyone was like the majority, it would mean they acknowledge people's differences and it wouldn't do for their peace of minds?

I'm glad to know some of the younger generations will learn better *g*

[crazybutsound]

Uh, so, what's this you're reading? Because it certainly sounds very... promising. I wouldn't mind reading it myself. :-D

And also, I wasn't aware it was coming out day, but yeah, I know exactly what you mean about it. To be honest, I've only "come out" once, to my aunt, and she's still the only one who knows for sure because I told her. My parents have their doubts, and I know if I ever came out to them, it wouldn't be a "problem" per se. After all, they think I'm a lesbian who doesn't know she's a lesbian. If they're ok with that, I figure they'll be ok with me being bi. But I've just never wanted to tell them. I don't particularly make a secret of it, but they're intelligent people and as long as I don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, I trust them to not make a point of knowing what my sexuality is or what not. I'm fine being bi, it's not something that I feel I HAVE to make a statement of.

I know I throw people off, because I've always talked about boys and girls the same way, always lusted after both, and yet, have never had a girlfriend that they know of--I did have one for a couple of years, but nobody ever knew--and I've never really had a boyfriend either, just a couple of one night stands, so I think the most perceptive people know what I am without having to ask, and the others just assume whatever they want. Some have assumed I'm gay, others that I am straight... and I just don't like the idea of having to come out and voice it for them, you know?

I'm not ashamed, I'm not hiding it, I have a pride flag in my flat, wear rainbows on my bags, have a poster of two girls kissing in my bedroom... I don't think anybody who knows me could really not know, but then again...

It's also a bit harder being bi, because I have straight friends who don't get it and tend to think I'm saying I'm bi just to be different, when really, I'm obviously all about boys (and well, I am not just all about boys), and then I have gay friends who feel like I'm trying to be nice to them or something... it's just not a comfortable thing to come out and say without appearing false. It's not so much that I fear the people who know will take it badly, because it's been me for years and they all know to some extent, but coming out with it feels like an act of provocation to them, especially my gay friends, so... I don't know. It's all a big mess, really. I've decided I'll wait and see what happens, because after all, if I end up alone, there's no point in making everybody (including me) uncomfortable with a coming out scene. We'll see the day I find a loved one.

And ha! Sorry, I rambled in your lj. I tend to do that a lot, lol. I'm a rambler, baby. Maybe I should come out as one, then? ;-)

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Sorry I wasn't clear. The 'title' of my cut tag? That was both the author and the name of the book *g* It's A Dangerous Thing by Josh Lanyon. It's actually a sequel, I'm trying to get Fatal Shadows but it seems to be one those lost books, seriously *sigh* Amazon delayed my item again! *glare* Anyway, in the meantime I'm re-reading A Dangerous Thing, I guess it'll do *g* It's actually a mystery book, and I love Jake and Adrien. They're very loveable and interesting characters *g*

Also, I definitely see your point. I didn't want to come out before having a girlfriend myself, but things didn't go as planned lol I'm actually glad because at least, it's been several years since pretty much everyone knows about me, and they all had time to warm up to the idea, so to speak *g*

Being bi seems a tad more difficult sometimes. I mean, people seem to be able to accept you can be either straight or gay, but being bi is still another story, which isn't fair, but then, nothing is *sigh*

And don't apologise for rambling, I love your rambling lol

[greensilver.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you on the bi thing, though I think you know that from a previous rant of mine about it. People want to define you - gay or straight, which one is it? Because it's somehow easier for people to accept that you're not straight if they can pin you down as being *gay*. (And vice versa, sometimes.)

That drives me insane. It especially drives me insane when there's some kind of value judgment being placed on it, like being homosexual is more socially acceptable than being bisexual. Bah.

[greedy_dancer]

i second crazybutsound: what is that book? lol

and coming out ... pfff. that sums it up. first, i'd have to have an idea of what i should come out as. lol
but yeah, as you know my situation is a little weird, since i've learnt that some people automatically assume that i'm gay, for some reason. my parents, for example. the mind boggles. and i know i shouldn't be here bitching about it, because how awesome is it to have your mother tell you that 'we've known you've been with [your best friend] for a while, we were just waiting for you to tell us' ... it was pretty disturbing to realize that all those meaningful conversation we'd had over the previous months were in fact designed for me to come out ... of course i never did, since i don't know! ah, the angst ... lol
/rambling. i say, the day people won't have to come out, we'll know things will have changed.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

I realise I wasn't clear after all. Like I said to our Sister --we belong to the same sekrit society so I decided we needed to call each other Sisters... or something, so there-- I mentioned both the name of the author and the title of the book in my entry already, but I guess it was hidden after all lol So it's A Dangerous Thing by Josh Lanyon. It's a sequel to the first book of the series, namely Fatal Shadows.

And yes, I remember your case was quite particular and sorta difficult in a weird way *g* It's like the whole assumption thing works for you too, but in reverse. It can be quite disconcerting, mind. Then again, like you said, at least you know how your parents will react if/when you come out since.. well, in their minds you already more or less did, even if you never said anything. Damn, that's a confusing situation, A *g*

i say, the day people won't have to come out, we'll know things will have changed.

You spoke my mind!

[greedy_dancer]

yo, sis'! lol
i've thought about this some more, and i say: the thing that annoys me is that you're supposed to give yourself a label. straight, gay, bi ... i don't know, it seems quite limitating, doesn't it? because with the label comes not only a definition of yourself but a whole political level. i know that for exemple, if the first person i fall in love/lust/whatever with happens to be a girl, i'll be labeled a lesbian, and then this tag will stick to me. people to whom i've come out as bi will think i was afraid to tell them i was gay. but then if after that, i fall for a guy, it'll be considered as "coming in" by some people. like "ah ha! she's seen her wicked ways and came back to reason" ... and of course if the first person is a guy, then it'll be "we knew it was all for show" ... straight people get smug, gay people get somehom offended ... i know people it happened to. sorry for generalizing, by the way, i don't mean all straight or gay or bi people, but you know, there's always someone ...
and when i think "fuck what 'some people' may or may not say, go with whatever feels good at the time" ... they remind us that not being properly labelled is not acceptable in our society. that's why the idea of "everyone has to come out" bothers me ...

sorry, i ranted again. grr. and now i'm in a foul mood, at that! lol

[greensilver.livejournal.com]

I've given up on 'coming out' as such. If people ask, I'll tell them, but no one ever does.

It's just too wrapped up in expectations, yours and other people's. It used to be that I expected people to be cool with it (like my mom was), and then it changed so that I expected to be smacked around (as with my best friend, who informed me that I needed "to stop doing things just to get attention").

Only a handful of people know for sure, and of those, the only important ones are my mom, my brother, and my three gay uncles and their partners, all of whom are just fine with it. (Or in the case of my uncles, more than just fine - they have this weird way of treating me as 'family' at a whole 'nother level.)

[castalie.livejournal.com]

I don't like the idea that you 'have' to come out. I remember a friend of mine who was a little upset I hadn't done it sooner. She was all like 'You should have said it sooner.' As if I hadn't been honest with her, as if I'd hidden some dark secret, which baffled me a bit, but whatever.

What I usually do when people react like that is tell them they never came out as straight either and they should have too, because I? Thought they were gay. Which usually pisses the guys off and as petty as it sounds, it always amuses me a lot. They're always angsting and stuttering how it's not the same thing - because of course, it's always different for us, right? lol

Anyway, I'm glad your close family knows and apparently reacted well, that's the most important thing *g* And you mean you have three gay uncles? Wow, you're destroying the statistics, girlie! lol

[french-hobbit.livejournal.com]

I didn't know there was a Coming Out Day. Reminds me I still have to come out as a slasher. Mmmh. Maybe next year.

[greedy_dancer]

haha, i seem to have been doing an aweful lot of "unintentionnal" coming out, these days ... lol

[castalie.livejournal.com]

I'm telling you there's 'Day' for everything, it's really funny. Americans apparently love to do that *shrug*

[lornelover.livejournal.com]

Yup, October 11 is National Coming Out Day, as sponsored by the HRC (http://www.hrc.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Coming_Out/Get_Informed4/National_Coming_Out_Day/Index.htm). At our school, the gay-straight alliance has a booth in the SUB where we encourage EVERYONE to come out, as whatever they want. The point being that everyone lives with some secret, and that it's so much easier to embrace your identity be open about yourself to everyone, rather than bottling it all up. We have a big, lavender closet door you can come out of and everything, and then we clap when people announce their true selves to the lunch crowd. It's glorious.

Though I do appreciate that real Coming Out is a huge deal for lots of people. Someone said above how it'll be a great day when no one has to come out, but I think it's the opposite. We've had the discussion in the group about when the allies "came out" as straight. Which, since many of us identify more with queer culture anyway, has actually been necessary (I swear, my mom STILL thinks I'm a lesbian). But the day that EVERYONE will have to come out, that no one will just assume orientation, I say THAT will be a great day.

Just my rambling $.02.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Wow, you mean there's a whole 'ceremonial' and everything? I didn't know that. So do all universities do the same thing or is just yours?

Both your theories lead to the same thing in a way - a day when people won't assume anything and yes, that will be great. We just have to be patient *g*

[lornelover.livejournal.com]

I'm sure other places celebrate it, but I don't think our little coming out ceremony is very standard, no. :) But B-GLAD (our GSA) kinda takes everything related to Queer History Month very seriously (or, you know, not), so we try to make it all as big and accessable as possible. We put up a "Gay of the Day" calendar in the SUB, with a little bio of a LGBTQ/ally for every day of the month. We do Queer Movie Nights. We put on Queer 101's, with a panel of LGBTQ/ally and a faculty member, where people can ask questions and learn about queer issues that fellow students actually have to face.

Coming Out Day is kind of a major thing where we try to get as many people involved as possible. Yeah, it's a little irreverent, but it gets them to identify more with queer issues, and that's the point. And over the course of the day, it's rather surprising to see the sheer number of people wearing out little stickers that say "I came out as..."

Anyway, I should probably go to class. Or something.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

The things you learn everyday, wow. Thanks for the interesting explanation *g*

International!LJ - how much do I love thee? Let me count the ways lol

[lornelover.livejournal.com]

International!LJ - how much do I love thee? Let me count the ways lol

Word. Wordy McWord Word.

Just last night, I was discussing LJ with some people who *have* lj's (for various purposes) and a couple people who don't and simply can't wrap their brains around the concept of spewing all your thoughts and emotions onto a public forum like LJ. And I was like, "Dude, I converse with people from Pennsylvania, Australia, Scotland, hell FRANCE on at least a weekly basis. How cool is that?" And? Sometimes it's not even about porn. ;)

[faemovana.livejournal.com]

I can understand what you mean, cause that's how I feel about telling anyone I'm bi. Which, techincally has only been a handful of people, but still I was so afraid and so sick to my stomach and yet, I do feel better about having told them. Fortunately, they are friends who love me (I've never come out to anyone in my family and probably never will, so you're much more courageous than I!) and took it rather well and are still my friends...but anyway, yes. I can understand the dislike of the coming out process. *hugs*

[castalie.livejournal.com]

And it feels like coming out as bi is even more complex as coming out as gay - there's this whole issue about being bi which is just so fucking unfair. As if things weren't already complicated enough *shakes head*

To tell the truth, I didn't plan on coming out so soon to my family. I wanted to have a steady girlfriend and everything but things turned out differently and I realised I'd better do it sooner than later and yeah, I'm quite happy I did because things were easier for me afterward.

I'm not one to encourage people to come out though because all our situations are different and I really think if you're not ready/comfortable coming out to your family, you shouldn't do it.

And at least you have some of your friends who know and who accepted you as you are, so it's something beautiful already *g* The rest will follow if it's supposed to *nodnod*

[faemovana.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

yup!