Her Life is a WIP

Had a lovely moment at work. There was this pacs'ed couple - the PACS [Pacte Civil de Solidarité] is a civil contract which basically binds two people in order to organise their lives together as a couple, be it a straight one or a gay one - it makes no difference. And I know I'm simplifying. Anyway, I know it's not that exceptional or anything but see, the problem they had? ( Was the exact same one as any other married couple. )

Changing the subject - or not, this is supposedly queer lit - I love working at reception. It gives me the opportunity to catch up with my reading - albeit at a slower pace than if I did it on my free time. But whatever. That way, I have no other choice that savouring the stories *g*

I started Kirith Kirin - again, granted, but this time I won't have to stop - and boy am I ever the Jim Grimsley fan! It's not exactly a revelation, mind. I fell in love with his work the first time I read one of his novels, namely Winter Birds, and hunted down his books right after that one because I needed more - to this day, Comfort and Joy is one of my favourite novels ever *g* Kirith Kirin is proving to be as good as the others.

It also filled me with glee because I was waiting and waiting for ( Spoilers ) - it made my heart glad *g*

Something else that made me squee was ( the following passage )

I'm having a blast - it's so very subtle and sweet. From the very first moment, actually. It's almost more intense because it's barely at the surface. Don't know if it's going to be more graphic than that, but seriously, I don't need anything more *g*

And changing the subject completely this time, I'm apparently reading het. For real, that is. And I mean, it's not as if I never shipped a het couple in canon, but I never ever read het fics - apart from In Another Life but that fic is like the grand-mother of exceptions so it doesn't count *cough*

So anyway, what is this het I'm speaking of? Daniel/Vala. Not even kidding. At first I just read one - you know, out of curiosity - and before I knew it, I'd read, what, five? In a row. Yeah. So auster? If you're still looking for more, why don't you try Interlude by cedara, which actually is, let me think, Vala/Daniel, Daniel/Cameron, Vala/Cameron - as well as Daniel/Vala Snippet #2 and Daniel/Vala Snippet #3 by piratelair. I'm not exactly sure how the latter works, like she's apparently writing bits and pieces, but what the hell, there was a little bit of smut and all *g* So hey, since you're searching?

Jack/Daniel is mocking me, but they know they're still my SG OTP so they're not worried. At all. And they're right not to be *loves J/D* See, I'm forced to mention my undying love for J/D for fear that the fandom kills me or something *quivering lower lip*

And I'll stop here before I make even scarier confessions ;-)

As I thought, I didn't have time to read more sentinelsecrets stories yesterday - the Gang stayed until late and when they were gone, I went to bed to watch some more TV before finally going to sleep around 1.30 am - since you know, I'm back to being a student and all that, I try to at least be a bit reasonable with my sleep pattern. As long as I have more than five hours of sleep, I'm all right and functional. I actually was a bit afraid to go to sleep because having watched Secrets d'Actualités on the little Gregory's case, I had the feeling I would have some nightmares, which didn't happen, so that was nice.

Anyway, woke up, went to the uni and am back home - yay! My program this afternoon? Stay home and surf! I don't want to do anything else, so there *stamps foot*

Speaking of the uni. I was re-reading A Dangerous Thing on the bus and I was at Adrien's awaited sex scene with Jake - which incidentally I was rather impatient to see as well, let's be honest here - and it made me think of the sex scenes we write in our own fanfics. Don't know about you - though I know about some of you - but writing sex scenes is a chore for me. I don't like writing them. I don't always do it mind, sometimes the story just doesn't demand any, but when I write a little PWP or when a longer/longish story suddenly 'requires' one for whatever reason, the writing suddenly becomes 'work' as opposed to purely 'fun'. And yes, writing dark stories is fun too - I'm not talking about the content of the story but how we write them *g* So to me, dark and intense situation writing is pure fun whereas sex scene writing is... yes, a chore. I usually like the result and I'm even more thrilled when some of my readers agree, but it doesn't change a thing.

Anyway, I always think that there's one way to write sex scenes that would be just perfect for me but somehow, I always end up writing something longer and with more details than I previously wanted. One could say it's my damn fault since, hey I'm the writer, but I'll argue that stories have a life of their own, and I'm just their slave - I don't always have a say in it. But Josh Lanyon knows how to write the kind of scenes I'd like to write myself when I'm working on a longer/longish story where the focus isn't on the sex anyway - I just need to learn how to be concise and short and believe me when I say it's not an easy concept for me!

( Josh Lanyon's A Dangerous Thing - Jake/Adrien )

This scene? Is just great! You know what is happening and how - and the mood has been set perfectly, though since it's taken out of context you can't really appreciate it here, and it's just nicely hot to me because... well because it just is - Adrien and I were both looking forward to when Jake would decide to do his lovely companion and granted, considering the story, it wouldn't have been interesting nor exactly IC for Jake if it'd happened before but it was finally the right time and it was perfect this way. So yeah.

[ETA: I'm afraid I wasn't clear enough, so in case you're curious, the book I'm referring to here is A Dangerous Thing by Josh Lanyon. It also happens to be a sequel to Fatal Shadows.]

Anyway...

Oh hey, I read somewhere it was Coming Out Day today? I won't really be able to appreciate it because I hate coming out with a passion, but just because I don't like it doesn't mean I can't pass the news, right? *g* It always amuses me how it seems there's a Day for just about everything. Though hey, technically I recognise how important Coming Out Day can be - like among other things, the affirmation of what you are without being ashamed and whatnot, and considering how society still stigmatises homosexualiy that's indeed a serious issue, I get that. But I just hate coming out - the way it usually feels like you're admitting some crime or something, how you're more or less telling the world that the perception they had of you isn't true and you're not what everyone thought, except in your head you're still the same you. You didn't change, it's only - eventually - the way the others will now see you that may be put in jeopardy. I hate how you're full of hope that everything will work out just fine and nothing won't change with the person you're coming out to mixed with that sense of dread that maybe you're going to lose someone, because in the end, there's always this slight probability that your homosexuality will make them see you differently - and for the worst. And sometimes it's not a 'slight probability' but a 100% one.

Me? It happened like in a dream. Well practically, I mean. I did trust my family not to react badly and I was right to do so but the feeling you may be disappointing your parents, your aunts, your uncles etc isn't a nice feeling - definitely a feeling I could have done without, seriously. So in the end, I was so lucky, and I'm aware and grateful - but I still hate the whole process.

Coming out to people who are new to your friends circle isn't a problem, because it's not 'coming out' as such to me. Since they never knew me before, they don't have any real expectation. They assume I'm straight because people always assume you're part of the Straight Club, but it's not the same because from the word go I sorta mention my being gay and if they listen, they'll realise soon enough that they're wrong in their assumption - I don't flaunt it but I don't hide it. I talk about girls and I talk about homosexuality and it's usually subtle and just... in passing, as something normal, which for me, it is anyway. So that's not coming out to me and I don't mind it. But when it's with people who always knew you, well damn, that's a different story altogether.

Oops, okay so I rambled again, didn't I? lol Well, that'll show you that coming out isn't a simple concept to me *g*

I cannot believe it! Tenessee Wants to Ban Gays. I'm dreaming! Well actually, no, I *can* believe it. Unfortunately, I can.

But even if intellectually, I know some people still think that way, reading something like this : 'Rhea County, about 30 miles north of Chattanooga, want the state to give it the power to arrest gays for "crimes against nature". In a unanimous vote the county commissioners passed a motion asking its state representatives to introduce legislation to allow it to lay the charges. For Commissioner J-C Fugate, the issue is simple. He wants to keep "homosexuals out of here.' still seems surreal, and so painful it almost hurts.

One could say those people are so outrageous in their way of thinking that it could be almost laughable, but oddly enough I'm not laughing. I would feel ashamed or sorry on their behalf, but damn, I'm not feeling charitable enough right now either.

I pity them though- and pity is one of the worst feelings you can have toward someone, IMO.